Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Who am I?

Who am I?  Well I wrote something years ago in my blog, but I had a moment that pushed me further to the right.  That moment was after the Aurora shooting.  When liberals went wild and started crying for the scrapping of the Second Amendment to the US Constitution.  I cannot stand these cowards!  They would honestly want to lay their hands on a document that has worked for 220+ years just because of their irrational fears?  They are puppets with their strings being pulled.  Gun violence has dropped in the USA since the 1990s, despite the fact that gun ownership has steadily been on the rise.  FBI statistics prove that more murders are committed in the USA by baseball bats than guns, but I do not hear anyone crying to ban baseball bats.  This is not a rant about firearms and Constitutional rights though; it is about who I am.  As you can tell it was Aurora that motivated me to go even further to the right.

I am basically white or Caucasian (or just a damn cracker), but it is not that simple, because I am an American.  I am half Greek from my father.  My grandfather immigrated into the USA during the 1920s.  From my mother I am 12 other races: English, Welch, Scottish, Irish, French, German, Dutch, Ukrainian, Turk, Black, Mexican and Sioux Indian.  So I am your typical American mutt.  Exact percentages are questionable, because my mother’s family tree is blocked, because she was adopted and the only thing I have to go on is the list she gave me.  I grew up in Gary Indiana and just outside Detroit (an area we called Sin City).  I am a Junior High dropout; the last grade I finished was 8th.  My father was physically abusive to the extreme and my mother borderline insane, not very nice things to say about my parents but accurate.  I lived on the wrong side of the law as a juvenile and that is really all I will say about that.  The thing I knew best growing up was violence, it was in my home, at my school and on the streets.  At the age of 17 I packed up and moved to Orlando Florida, because of the before mentioned reason.  At 20 I was married into a premade family to a woman 10 years my senior.  She was a good person and I caused her a lot of heartache, I am sorry Darlene.  I got into a little more trouble with the law (nothing I will mention), but I was convicted of nothing.   I was divorced by 25 or so (actual date is confusing and if I told that story you would not believe me). 

I decided I was tired of being an uneducated idiot; it was stifling any career opportunities.  So I pursued a college degree.  This was a tough course to follow, not because I am not intelligent enough to achieve this dream.  Real life has a habit of interfering with long term goals.  I did not get my BA in history until 2010.  I did however graduate Magna Cum Laude.  As of right now I am almost done with my MBA and on the waiting list for a local law school. 

Politically my journey is very confusing.  As a delinquent I had no real political opinion on anything.  I was more concerned with money and drugs.  When I started to have real concern for politics, I am not very sure.  I combined my own firsthand knowledge of life with Marxist theory.  I believed a hybrid was possible between capitalism and communism that could feed off human nature for its own good.  I embraced many theories that for lack of a better word are lies.  I was however not a western liberal leftist.  I traveled the path of a Third World Revolutionary, I believed the only way to bring about change was through violent revolution and peaceful revolution was preached only by cowards.  I ended up blogging and gained a following all over the world (approximately 10,000 people at my peak).  I was a true revolutionary (I would say communist, but I did not embrace that theory completely) and believed that any who did not embrace the new system should simply be shot.  Well a typical Western style liberal became infatuated with me and it lead to a relationship.  Typical because even though she said she agreed with everything I said, still there was that John Lennon peace mentality in her beliefs.  When this ended I went into a phase of self examination and accidentally put all of my beliefs under this same microscope.  This is my point of enlightenment.  I discovered that the teachings of the left (on almost every level) are not compatible with human nature.  The only way for the philosophies of the left to succeed is if human nature is changed to suit them.  Now I hope I do not have to explain to anyone how unlikely that result truly is.  So I left the Esteban Najid (my pen name) personality behind and concentrated on finishing my degree. 

I still was not active politically, even though I did lean right.  I had given up on politics.  I saw both sides as too corrupt to care about and I just wanted to live my life.  I still voted and tried to be the best informed voter I could be.  The reason for this is I believe if you do not vote, you have no right to bitch.  Since I make a whole bunch of noise (I know, shocking right?) I felt it was my duty to vote and not be a hypocrite.  See this is my biggest pet peeve, I cannot stand hypocrites!  I have always believed that you should practice what you preach or shut up.  I am not talking about falling short from being perfect, no one is perfect.  You must make the best effort that is possible to follow through with the words you say.  Then the Aurora shooting happened and liberals went wild in their attacks on the Second Amendment to the US Constitution.  I am sorry, but the Second Amendment is my main issue.  Without it the people are nothing more than serfs.  You cannot fight back against anything or defend yourself in any way if you do not have the right to bear arms.  Once the liberals started their attacks on the Constitution I drifted farther and farther to the right, making more and more noise along the way.  I have seen how they show their true colors of yellow PC cowardice.  I have seen how the media embraces the news stories of the left while ignoring shocking stories that would gain them good ratings (Kermit Gosnell and Benghazi for instance).  They blow out of proportion every single shooting and if you look at the people doing and approving these stories they hate gun rights anyways.  The left has not learned what I did, that their policies are not compatible with human nature.  Do they think they can change human nature by the fruits of their policies? These fruits are creating an underclass with no hope of achieving anything, but they view prosperity 10 miles away and on the television.  This same underclass is crime ridden, because they want money for the finer things (with no other way to get it) or drugs to escape their dismal future.  This is still a risk versus reward mentality, which is one of the most basic principles of capitalism. 

So now I sit on the right side of the political fence.  I am not a very good conservative, but since I trust the US Constitution I would make a horrible liberal.  I also do not believe in the 1960s mentality of protest and revolution.  I would make the streets run red with blood before I would let a dirty hippy rewrite the Constitution.  I am still in a process of learning and growth, which I am fine with.  As Bruce Lee said, “the day I quit learning, is the day you can put the final nail in my coffin.”  He also said, “I am not a master, I am a student master, because I am always learning.”  I am not the most intelligent person, but I have gained wisdom by walking a very hard path.  I would not trade any of my past experiences for the world.  The path I have traveled has led me to the point I am at today.   I know I am not perfect, but I am comfortable with the person I have become.  I can only strive to improve who I am on a daily basis.

I probably shared too much information in some ways and not enough in others, but my life is so full of contradictions and confusion I could not know where to begin or end.  So this is my overview I provide to the curious, to those who wonder how I got to where I am today.